Monday 14 October
Bulgaria 0:6 England
Ross Barkley made the most of the chaos in Sofia to score two in the first-half but the real show was in the stands. The Nazi salutes and racist chanting were deliberate and prolonged and the England players went by the book; they reported the abuse to the officials, a tannoy announcement was made, when the abuse did not stop the officials stopped the game again just before half-time.
The abuse did not stop despite a large group of fascists staging a walkout, but the game continued and the players gave their answer on the pitch sticking six past a bewildered looking Bulgaria team.
The British media, who still haven’t addressed their own recruitment practices, went off a high-board in condemnation. While it is nice to finally welcome our national colleagues to this side of the fence, we should point out that they all work for news outlets that have fostered such a racist atmosphere that we are leaving the European Union for no better reason than a bunch of public school boys lied to the public about all our troubles being caused by foreigners and Muslims.
At Chelsea we have had our troubles with right-wing scum pedalling their hate outside the ground but the NF and the BNP have been seen off. We are still not perfect but heading in the right direction and tonight might just tip the balance and persuade those restless racists in the UK that it is not an acceptable means of expression or of thought.
The night’s controversy didn’t end on Sofia; in Paris Olivier Giroud scored but unfortunately the Turkish players managed an equaliser and an overt demonstration of support for their tinpot dictator and his illegal invasion of Kurdistan. They should be punished or banned by Uefa but you never know what way Europe’s governing body will sway these days.
Of course, you can’t say that Brexit is just the result of racists voting leave. Of course, it wasn’t just racists that voted to leave Europe, c*nts did as well (joke stolen from Stewart Lee).

Tuesday 15 October
England U21 5:1 Austria U21
Callum Hudson-Odoi is going to be some player. We have all been drooling over the performances of Mason Mount and Tammy Abraham but Callum is on course to eclipse them both.
Tonight he started to really get into his stride after the ruptured Achilles tendon that ended his season early last term.
The Chelsea winger scored two first-half goals, the second a scorcher, and looked a class above U21 level in his first start in the age group.
Arsenal’s Eddie Nketiah scored a hat-trick but he was completely overshadowed by the genius of Hudson-Odoi.
Aidy Boothroyd, whose side put on its first really convincing display for ages against tough opposition, said wistfully that he hoped he see Callum again. But it wishful thinking on the part of the U21 coach, Callum Hudson-Odoi is going to be in the senior squad from now on.
Mason Mount has been shortlisted for the Golden Boy award. Voted on by Europe’s sports editors for players under the age of 21 playing in the European leagues. Despite sounding like an Eddie Murphy straight to DVD follow-up, the award has been won by Lionel Messi, Cesc Fabregas, Wayne Rooney, Kylian Mbappé and Raheem Sterling.

Meanwhile over in racist Sofia and the coach of the national team says he didn’t hear any racist abuse. Krasimir Balakov previously denied his country had a problem but this statement probably means he is too thick to understand what racism is.
The local FA chief, Borislav Mikhailov, resigned because the incidents shamed his country – if only British MPs would do the same when they shame the country – and six arrests have been made so far.

Friday 18 October
Ed Woodward, up in Salford, has just spouted an outrageous lie about Manchester United. There have been stories that Woodward and the board at Manchester United have dictated transfer policy since Alex Ferguson left . Today Woodward hit back saying it was a myth and an insult to suggest that non-football people in the club take major football decisions.
He must think we are really slow: Jose Mourinho vetoed his own efforts to buy a centre-half three transfer windows in a row then; perhaps he had a brain freeze and bought Fred without realising what he was doing.
Woodward should keep up the good work of undermining United managers and unbalancing the club but he shouldn’t try to pretend that it isn’t all his own work.

Saturday 19 October
Chelsea 1:0 Newcastle United
While we have been banging in fours and fives Frank Lampard has been stressing about the number of goals we have been conceding. So, the nil in this result delighted him more than most.
The clean sheet was the result of almost total control of the second-half. After a slightly incoherent first-half display when we created few chances Callum Hudson-Odoi started setting up his colleagues and the Magpies found it difficult to cross halfway as we worked to move them from side to side and get between their lines. It is always the same but some teams make it more difficult than others and Newcastle are one of the best spoilers in the league at the moment. As their results against Tottenham and Manchester United prove.
Marcos Alonso scored the winner and Mason Mount, Christian Pulisic and Tammy Abraham all missed good chances.
This was a hard-working Chelsea that showed graft as well as craft – Pulisic was full of both on his introduction and his imagination and guile were as important in the win as anybody else.
VAR have moved on from lager top to starting the day with spirits. Hapless Spurs were handed a goal against Watford, literally, when Dele Alli controlled the ball with an arm before scoring. VAR somehow ignored the touch and allowed the goal, although, and just to make it clear they are on the hard stuff, they put No Goal on the scoreboard.
That farce came after the VAR deliberately overlooked a clear penalty appeal when Jan Vertonghen hooked away Gerard Deulofeu’s legs. Watford came away with a 1-1 draw instead of the 0-2 away win they deserved.
Over in Leicester and VAR didn’t want to spoil the occasion, as Leicester marked a year since the helicopter crash that killed their owner and four others, by allowing a Burnley equaliser. They gave a trip on Jonny Evans after the ball hit the back of the net.

Chelsea U18 3:2 Norwich City U18
George Nunn opened the proceedings and Pierre Ekwah Elimby got the other two, both crackers, as we remain unbeaten. We did let them back into the match from 3-0 up but we stay level with Fulham at the top of the league.

Conor Gallagher served another reminder that we have more youngsters pressing for places next term as he thundered in another goal for Charlton in an emphatic 3-0 win over Frank’s old side Derby County. Lee Bowyer said of the 19-year-old afterwards “It’s not just what he brings in possession, his work-rate, he’s everywhere. He’s literally everywhere. He just does not stop working for the team and we’re lucky to have him.”
Matt Miazga got his first for Reading, a winner against Preston. It was his first goal in English football. It was Mark Bowen and Eddie Niedzwiecki’s first game as manager and coach respectively.

Sunday 20 October
Crystal Palace 0:3 Chelsea
Continental League Cup group action for the women and Beth England’s glowing start to the season continued with a brace. Drew Spence got the other as a much-changed side made light work of Palace.
Liverpool are a bit closer after their one each with Manchester United. Just to illustrate which side VAR’s bread is buttered they watched a clear foul in the build-up to United’s breakaway goal and ignored it. A clear and obvious mistake by the referee on the pitch is ignored to Manchester United’s benefit just like the first game of the season against us. Funny how mistakes always fall United’s way.
PGMOL’s weird defence is that the clear and obvious foul was a subjective matter – which it isn’t – and VAR is not there to re-referee decisions already taken. But that is rubbish, VAR is stated to be there to correct clear and obvious mistakes, like missing a foul at the start of a move that leads to a goal, already this weekend they chalked one off for a marginal foul on a defender, a subjective decision they overturned.
Referees didn’t want VAR. They feel it undermines the authority of the referee on the pitch. Forced into implementing VAR they have become passive aggressive and decided to do it so badly we will all long for the game before the chaos.