Poor Tired Red Scouse 2 Chelsea 2 (Gits win 5-4 on penalties) 
European Super Cup
Wednesday 14th August 2019 20:00

Victor Meldrew (Sitcom alias) went. Can we all stand and give a round of applause to the group of fans that acquiesced to spend their time and money on a pointless game two days after a car crash at Old Trafford. Only to surrounded by 50,000 scousers, most of them plastic.

In the News: A load of dull sh*t talking about the European transfer nonsense, how the Armageddon is night, complete with Aerosmith power ballad, at Stamford Bridge and probably handing the Scouse the title already yawn.

Them: Made some changes. Because they were sooooooooo tired. In case you failed to have that hammered into your brain last night.

Us: Interesting team selection. Frank said he had to freshen it up because we only played on Sunday. He also had an eye on giving a shot to the guys who got us there, such as The Beard. Tammy and Mason dropped to the bench, Kante twins not only ready to come back into the starting line up, but ended up running round like a boss for about four hours, and so recently injured, looked fitter than half of theirs. More of the good stuff from Sunday please. Same positivity and daring, but more awake on the counter for a start. It needed to be more constrained. More sensible. And it was.

A high octane start, Scouse playing a high line and risking the wrath of Pedro Unicorn and Pulisic getting in behind. On 5 minutes we defended a corner and got to the ball first. Boom. Progress. In fact we defended well at the beginning full stop. Kepa was also decisive in the opening spell, especially on 15 when some little Egyptian bloke I’ve never heard of was away. Then it was our turn. The Beard broke straight afterwards. If only he was fast, as it was he saw his opportunity closing out, took the shot to early and shanked it. Great play from him though. Another good ball, this time from Kovacic to The Unicorn on 20 but barged off it by the defender. Best chance of the game yet and he was involved again, playing a 1-2 with The Beard. Off the crossbar. Fecking woodwork is getting on my tits this week.

It was not as harebrained as the start of Sunday, but still really positive. A bicycle kick from The Beard was not on target, but not embarrassing either. Perfect choice of our three strikers to go up against van Dyke because he was giving him no quarter. Mane unmarked on 29 but luckily his header was sh*t. Goalkeeper denied Kovacic shortly afterwards. Apparently we might see more of him surging forward this year now he’s not constrained by Sarri rules. Hopefully he’s been practicing his shooting. Better team so far by a mile. Though that meant nothing at Old Trafford. Possession was even, but all of theirs had been at the back. Then BOOM!!! Kante twins had been the difference compared to Sunday. His ball forward after shaking off the Vermin led Pulisic to play a perfect assist through to The Beard and we were ahead. The youngster scored himself straight after, with a cut across and corner shot that was 100% Hazard, but he was offside. The Scouse were switching sides all over the place trying to change it up and get a foothold. That said, at some point surely it was going to show that they had had two more days rest, right?

It certainly looked that way as soon as the whistle went for the second half and they immediately equalised. Shot wide from them, then a save from Kepa once again on 50. Christensen and Zouma had reverted back to Sunday’s latter stages. Too vulnerable on the counter. Firminho had come on and taken a massive dump on their evening. Time to act like grown ups. Don’t collapse, hold firm and weather the storm, because even with two days extra to prepare they couldn’t keep this pace up. And we did just that. Dropped much deeper, tried to settle down again and then predictably they went off the boil. Then we started to make inroads. Great ball in to Pulisic but they got a foot in on it 64. Mount and Abraham were ready to come on, and Firminho looked bollocksed after 25 mins. How are they collectively more tired than us? They’ve had a lot of high profile games says Jermaine Penis. Charity Shield. Norwich at home. This. Some other friendly wank. So no more than us. Because one was against Norwich. Only high profile there is Milner’s forehead.

Kepa kept us in it on 74 with a stunning double save. First one despite everyone’s legs in the way and the reaction time for the second was stellar. Tammy back and defending right on top of both of those too. Good work. Courtois would have still been trying to get down for the first one come the weekend. Promising chance from the Unicorn on 81, but it went straight at VD. This is my nickname for Virgil, because Mr Ballon D’or (Bitch please) is about as welcome as a dose of that in my world.

We were back on top now and would remain so, though this waiting to raise the flag for offside in Europe is about as welcome as Wayne Rooney running at your nan with his todger out. Total dross. Also sh*t for the players in terms of wasting energy. Poor Mason saw his effort disallowed, but he was doing really well since his introduction. Criminal miss from Mane on 8 but the flag was up again. Did I mention how much I welcome this delayed flag waving in Europe? Course we were hearing now about how tired their little legs are. Aw. Then it’s because the poor Scouse lambs have got to play on Saturday. Klopp’s spindly scarecrow hand was forced personnel wise otherwise they would have walked this. No mention of the fact we’d left the pitch at Old Trafford and had to get straight into the plane. Zouma once again first to a corner at their end. He’s doing well at that so far, he’s like a runaway rhino but he is struggling to aim those headers at the moment. Little less rhino, more finesse is a job for him in the coming weeks.

Extra time it was after they faffed a ball going across the face of goal right at the end. Flaccid comeback from “The Ox” after they made a massive deal out of it on BT. Forgot he was there. Don’t even know when he went off. Don’t care. On 97 minutes Abraham was running toe to toe with VD, but Adrian got in the way. Not being thrashed off the ball though by a brutal centre back, which is really good. Then their makeshift keeper went and brought down Tammy. Penalty from the referee. She was pretty adamant and VAR couldn’t overrule her as she hadn’t made a “clear and obvious error.” Good.

Refwatch: Why should I mention that they were all girls? In a patronising tone about how well they did. Game flowed, not fussy at all. Behold how the world did not end with boobs on the pitch. Mind you Allardyce has ensured that that’s not exactly new. It was no different to having blokes in charge, she was certainly fitter than Phil Dowd ever was in terms of being up with play. One dodgy corner was all you could level at the officials. I forgot they even had vaginas. Which is probably the best compliment you could pay them.

I’ve neglected to mention they’d scored a goal at some point and gone ahead, because I hate them. Anyway, Jorginho booed by the whole stadium as he lay the ball down for the spot kick. Basically rolled it in whilst sticking his finger up at the keeper. Now the commentators really wouldn’t shut up about how poor Liverpool have got to play on Saturday. Jermaine Penis apparently sitting down in the commentary box because he was tired too. About as much stamina as he had as a player.

Abraham a gnats fart away from giving us the lead back on 103, but everyone looking proper ragged now with fifteen minutes left to play. Emerson lying on the floor grabbing his junk, cramp issues for others. On 112 Mount forced a reaction save from Adrian after a killer ball from Jorginho started us off. Seconds later the Unicorn was inches away. 114 we were in miles of space with Emerson on the ball, but the best he could manage was a corner after insisting on a shot and denying Tammy a crack at it in the box. Unlucky not to have finished them off tonight.

Off we go then on the lottery of penalties.

Firminho: Sends Kepa the wrong way
Jorginho: Does exactly the same to Adrian
Fabinho: (Who was pretending he couldn’t walk two minutes ago) Kepa doesn’t move
Barkley: Smashed home
Origi: Kepa got there but it goes under him. Surprised Origi could see the goal with that stupid fringe
Mason Mount: Never in doubt – top corner
Alexander-Arnold: Kepa knew he was going right, we knew he was going right, yet agin somehow it wriggles in
Emerson: Right down the middle in response to Adrian yelling at him
Salah: Sends Kepa the wrong way
All down to Tammy Abraham: and it was a poor effort. Indecisive. Oh well. I think everyone will agree that that was much, much better than we were expecting.

So: Hell of a learning curve from Frank & Co. after Old Trafford with no time to prepare for this and it was approached in style. Some exciting individual showings. Remember Sunday was Zouma’s first start for us since May 2017. He did much, much better, as did Christensen. The difference with the twins on the pitch is palpable, especially where those two are concerned. Kovacic had a good game, and Kepa was outstanding at times and was close to being the difference in the shootout. He is really growing into that price tag for me. Not pressing so high, more measured and the result was that but for a twenty minute blast at the beginning of the second half, we were the better side all night long. I’m more than happy with how we acquitted ourselves. Many had us down to take a pasting. Time to get down to proper business now with three points against Leicester on Sunday.