Wednesday, February 20, 2019
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Alexandra Churchill

They Know What They Are – Apparently

Another international break has died the turgid death it deserves. Huzzah. Though it’s only about a fcuking fortnight till the next one. Booooooooooooo.

WHAM!

Having only arrived back from Club Tropicana (the island of Stromboli) in the early hours of this morning, with some form of rabies inherited on a BA Airbus 330 ...

What Do Bestiality, Waxworks and Paulo Ferreira Have in Common?

They all made some sort of appearance in my football world this week. Some were more welcome than others.

Who the Hell is Number 29?

I am most definitely not match fit. My right arse cheek is cramping from standing up for so long.

No Pressure …

... Mr Sarri, but it's your job to make me love my club again after a pretty f*cking turbulent summer that has left me rocking in a corner, hugging my cat and stuffing chocolate in my face. Good luck.

Bugger Prince Harry. Marry Me Antonio Rudiger

We'd been playing with Swiss balls all week in preparation for this game. Make of that what you will. If Chelsea fans hate me so be it, says Chequebook Pulis.

I Love You Chelsea, But I Can’t Look At You Right Now

In the News: We've been charged by the FA for failing to control our players during the Huddersfield game. I vote we find out...

Someone Hold My Drink

My old nan once told me that cheaters never prosper. She lied.

Chelsea 1 Them ‘Orrible Gits 0

Let's get the important sh*t out of the way. Somehow I've been nominated for an award. Who'd have thunk it? Anyway: any and all...