Saturday, December 7, 2019
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Alexandra Churchill

Very A*seholed (on) Rum

Naaarwich 2 Chelsea 3: Just your average, run of the mill VAR CLUSTERF*CK. I was moaning enough about it before it screwed us. Nevertheless,...

Nappy Sh*tters, Meet Reality; Reality, meet Nappy Sh*tters

In the News: F*cking VAR, VAR, VAR. The Virtual A*sehole Rampage. The first talking point for every Premier League game now is computers. Not the...

It’s A Wonder They Could Even Put A Team Out

Poor Tired Red Scouse 2 Chelsea 2 (Gits win 5-4 on penalties)  European Super Cup Wednesday 14th August 2019 20:00 Victor Meldrew (Sitcom alias) went. Can we...

Manchester United 4 Chelsea 0

In the News: Not much since the previews. Just some Blue Squirrel on Luiz, who says he went to L’Arse to win trophies. Had...

Summer’s Top Ten Funniest Moments:

10. South Korean fans are threatening to sue after Ronaldo didn’t play in a friendly. They say they were promised at least 45 minutes...

London Calling

Europa League Final, 29th/30th May (seeing as it was played in the middle of the night) 2019 ​Calling from f*cking Baku. How can you top the most...

Sexpest Goes to Leicester

This is a big deal. Regulars will remember that not only is Sexpest really old. (You might recall the virginity story about the woman...

Get in Hazard You Little F***ing Sexpuppet!

I’ll get back to the usual mockery at the weekend, but I want to say something about what hasn’t been in the footballing press of late. A creditable apology.

He’s Staying

No, not Eden. But Sarri was tasked with top four. And he’s done it. With a game to spare. Strap yourselves in, because you’ve...