Wednesday, October 17, 2018
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Alexandra Churchill

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Smoke in a Minute!

Eden refuses to be complacent despite his staggering form, the dressing room jokes that Jorginho is Sarri's lovechild ...
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Please Make It Stop

Valencia has apparently joined the ever-growing list of players at United who don't want to talk to Chequebook Pulis.
Emerson (left) celebrates with his teammates and a fan after he scores his sides first goal during the Carabao Cup Third Round match between Liverpool and Chelsea at Anfield on September 26, 2018 in Liverpool, England.

Feckworthy, Jammy B*stards!

In the News: Chequebook Pulis, not satisfied with Pogba-gate has apparently launched into Rashford not warming down properly. You could look at this the other way though - in that this is presumably the...
Eden Hazard of celebrates after he scores his sides second goal during the Carabao Cup Third Round match between Liverpool and Chelsea at Anfield on September 26, 2018 in Liverpool.

Have that you gits

In the News: Salah is getting awards for nothing now, but it was at the expense of Bale and his topknot so I can’t bring myself to care. Sunderland have had to sack another...
Maurizio Sarri gives his team instructions during the Premier League match between West Ham United and Chelsea FC at London Stadium on September 23, 2018 in London.

There is Such a Thing as Too Much Foreplay

West Ham are sh*t, but they have never, ever lost their first three home games in a season. So brace yourself. You knew what was coming…
Bruce Buck, Chelsea chairman is seen handing out bags of crisps to Chelsea fans in the away stand prior to the UEFA Europa League Group L match between PAOK and Chelsea at Toumba Stadium on September 20, 2018 in Thessaloniki, Greece.

Fantasising about Ross Barkley, Bruce Buck and Garlic Butter

Not since the British Army landed a completely pointless force at Salonika in WW1 has a group of Englishmen been so reticent to make a trip to Greece.
Olivier Giroud reacts during the Premier League match between Chelsea FC and Cardiff City at Stamford Bridge on September 15, 2018 in London.

They Know What They Are – Apparently

Another international break has died the turgid death it deserves. Huzzah. Though it’s only about a fcuking fortnight till the next one. Booooooooooooo.
Marcos Alonso celebrates after his cross is deflected in by Deandre Yedlin of Newcastle United, scoring Chelsea's second goal during the Premier League match between Newcastle United and Chelsea FC at St. James Park on August 26, 2018 in Newcastle upon Tyne.

WHAM!

Having only arrived back from Club Tropicana (the island of Stromboli) in the early hours of this morning, with some form of rabies inherited on a BA Airbus 330 ...
Marcos Alonso celebrates after scoring his team's third goal with team mates Cesar Azpilicueta and Olivier Giroud during the Premier League match between Chelsea FC and Arsenal FC at Stamford Bridge on August 18, 2018 in London.

What Do Bestiality, Waxworks and Paulo Ferreira Have in Common?

They all made some sort of appearance in my football world this week. Some were more welcome than others.
Kepa Arrizabalaga of Chelsea gives his team instructions during the Premier League match between Huddersfield Town and Chelsea FC at John Smith's Stadium on August 11, 2018 in Huddersfield.

Who the Hell is Number 29?

I am most definitely not match fit. My right arse cheek is cramping from standing up for so long.