Friday, April 20, 2018
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Alexandra Churchill

Antonio Conte shouts during The Emirates FA Cup Quarter Final match between Leicester City and Chelsea at The King Power Stadium on March 18, 2018 in Leicester.

Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em

In the News: UEFA are morons. This is arguably not news. They've charged Besiktas with insufficient organisation because a ginger cat ran on the pitch during the Bayern game.
Eden Hazard and Willian run at Sergi Roberto of Barcelona during the UEFA Champions League Round of 16 Second Leg match FC Barcelona and Chelsea FC at Camp Nou on March 14, 2018 in Barcelona, Spain.

Ferrets & F*ck Ups

In the News: Eden Hazard criticised for criticising Conte’s tactics after City. This includes not very subtle hints about the consequences from Conte himself. Everyone else had a go, and they didn’t have to...

False 9, False Hope

In the News: I had a list of the usual mockery to put here, but it doesn’t seem fitting to put it after this: Last night Davide Astori, Fiorentina’s captain, checked into the team...
Paul Pogba of Manchester United and Marcos Alonso hug after the Premier League match between Manchester United and Chelsea at Old Trafford on February 25, 2018 in Manchester.

Woe is Us

First there was a handshake. All of the Red Swarm sitting there, pencils poised, with a boner about a potential snub/bitchfight went limp. Quick goal please, obliterate his game plan.
Willian in action against Brighton and Hove Albion at Stamford Bridge

It Only Took Him a Decade

They had had most of the ball, but much of the play they'd had had been dicking around in the middle looking for a decent ball forward, until they headed it wide of the goal somewhat weakly on 15 minutes.

Kamikaze Conte?

ll those vacating the away end tonight might want to mind out not to get run over by the four horsemen of the apocalypse.  In the News: Before I say anything: I don’t perceive our...

We’ve Had Our Day Out, Let’s F*ck Off Home

Well as the crowd poured out, I laughed my head off the last twenty minutes of that game. To celebrate the biggest pile of w*nk I've seen from a Chelsea side since the Emirates...
Bruce Buck watches Chelsea at Stamford Bridge

Lord of the Flies

Chelsea 3 Barcodes 0 FA Cup 4th Round Sunday 28th January 2018 13:30 In the News: Conte. Conte. More Conte. I imagine that on press conference days Steve Atkins (the one who sits next to Antonio and...
A general view of action during the Carabao Cup Semi-Final First Leg match between Chelsea and Arsenal at Stamford Bridge on January 10, 2018 in London.

At Least It Wasn’t 0-0

A second trip to L'Arse this month for a competition named after an animal I didn't even know existed until they slapped it on a can of energy drink that tastes of piss. I...
Willian celebrates as he scores the second goal with team mates during the Premier League match between Brighton and Hove Albion and Chelsea at Amex Stadium on January 20, 2018 in Brighton.

Who Needs Peter Crouch?

New song alert: (leave it to Mrs Brown, musical genius that he is) "VAR (just say it as a word- angrily)  Hurgh Yeah What is it good for?  Absolutely nothing!"  It amused us anyway. In the News: The players on both sides, managers,...