Thursday, February 22, 2018
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Alexandra Churchill

Willian in action against Brighton and Hove Albion at Stamford Bridge

It Only Took Him a Decade

They had had most of the ball, but much of the play they'd had had been dicking around in the middle looking for a decent ball forward, until they headed it wide of the goal somewhat weakly on 15 minutes.

Kamikaze Conte?

ll those vacating the away end tonight might want to mind out not to get run over by the four horsemen of the apocalypse.  In the News: Before I say anything: I don’t perceive our...

We’ve Had Our Day Out, Let’s F*ck Off Home

Well as the crowd poured out, I laughed my head off the last twenty minutes of that game. To celebrate the biggest pile of w*nk I've seen from a Chelsea side since the Emirates...
Bruce Buck watches Chelsea at Stamford Bridge

Lord of the Flies

Chelsea 3 Barcodes 0 FA Cup 4th Round Sunday 28th January 2018 13:30 In the News: Conte. Conte. More Conte. I imagine that on press conference days Steve Atkins (the one who sits next to Antonio and...
A general view of action during the Carabao Cup Semi-Final First Leg match between Chelsea and Arsenal at Stamford Bridge on January 10, 2018 in London.

At Least It Wasn’t 0-0

A second trip to L'Arse this month for a competition named after an animal I didn't even know existed until they slapped it on a can of energy drink that tastes of piss. I...
Willian celebrates as he scores the second goal with team mates during the Premier League match between Brighton and Hove Albion and Chelsea at Amex Stadium on January 20, 2018 in Brighton.

Who Needs Peter Crouch?

New song alert: (leave it to Mrs Brown, musical genius that he is) "VAR (just say it as a word- angrily)  Hurgh Yeah What is it good for?  Absolutely nothing!"  It amused us anyway. In the News: The players on both sides, managers,...
Michy Batshuayi scores during The Emirates FA Cup Third Round Replay between Chelsea and Norwich City at Stamford Bridge on January 17, 2018 in London.

Another Gin Please Jeeves

Tickets priced at double what they should have been in mid-January. For a game that was televised for all anyway. And thousands displaced because Norwich demanded the whole shed and then failed to sell...
Wilfred Ndidi of Leicester City and Tiemoue Bakayoko battle for possession during the Premier League match between Chelsea and Leicester City at Stamford Bridge on January 13, 2018 in London.

Trigger and I Have Got a Secret

When your best mate is so excited about making it into the ground for kick off that he almost punches David Luiz's mum in the face... Mama Luiz just laughed at him, but he might...
A general view of action during the Carabao Cup Semi-Final First Leg match between Chelsea and Arsenal at Stamford Bridge on January 10, 2018 in London.

There’s a Goon In My Seat and I Don’t Like It

In the News: Everything is about racism so far this week. Oh dear Peter Beardsley. Oh. Dear. The Newcastle youth coach appears to be Britain's socially inept equivalent of Donald Trump. He's suspended, having allegedly...
Tiemoue Bakayoko of Chelsea is tackled by Alexander Tettey of Norwich City during The Emirates FA Cup Third Round match against Norwich City at Carrow Road on January 6, 2018.

We Want Our Money Back

Fozzie Bear (muppet alias) has been going to Chelsea for nearly 60 years, so he's suffered everything the Blues can throw at him. And more. Fozzie Bear never gets irate, but he's actually demanding his ticket...