Tuesday, August 21, 2018
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Alexandra Churchill

Marcos Alonso celebrates after scoring his team's third goal with team mates Cesar Azpilicueta and Olivier Giroud during the Premier League match between Chelsea FC and Arsenal FC at Stamford Bridge on August 18, 2018 in London.

What Do Bestiality, Waxworks and Paulo Ferreira Have in Common?

They all made some sort of appearance in my football world this week. Some were more welcome than others.
Kepa Arrizabalaga of Chelsea gives his team instructions during the Premier League match between Huddersfield Town and Chelsea FC at John Smith's Stadium on August 11, 2018 in Huddersfield.

Who the Hell is Number 29?

I am most definitely not match fit. My right arse cheek is cramping from standing up for so long.

No Pressure …

... Mr Sarri, but it's your job to make me love my club again after a pretty f*cking turbulent summer that has left me rocking in a corner, hugging my cat and stuffing chocolate in my face. Good luck.
David Luiz and Olivier Giroud pose with the Emirates FA Cup trophy following their sides victory in The Emirates FA Cup Final between Chelsea and Manchester United at Wembley Stadium.

Bugger Prince Harry. Marry Me Antonio Rudiger

We'd been playing with Swiss balls all week in preparation for this game. Make of that what you will. If Chelsea fans hate me so be it, says Chequebook Pulis.
Antonio Conte looks on prior to the Premier League match between Burnley and Chelsea at Turf Moor on April 19, 2018 in Burnley.

I Love You Chelsea, But I Can’t Look At You Right Now

In the News: We've been charged by the FA for failing to control our players during the Huddersfield game. I vote we find out exactly how much they're charging us, turn up with sledge...
Marcos Alonso shoots while under pressure Alex Pritchard of Huddersfield Town during the Premier League match between Chelsea and Huddersfield Town at Stamford Bridge on May 9, 2018 in London, England. (Photo by Darren Walsh/Chelsea FC via Getty Images)

Someone Hold My Drink

My old nan once told me that cheaters never prosper. She lied.
Olivier Giroud scores his sides first goal during the Premier League match between Chelsea and Liverpool at Stamford Bridge on May 6, 2018 in London, England.

Chelsea 1 Them ‘Orrible Gits 0

Let's get the important sh*t out of the way. Somehow I've been nominated for an award. Who'd have thunk it? Anyway: any and all votes appreciated at: www.footballbloggingawards.co.uk My category is "best new blog." Let's try...
Olivier Giroud is seen in the stands prior to the Premier League match between Chelsea and AFC Bournemouth at Stamford Bridge on January 31, 2018 in London.

Bloody Big Garden!

In the News: I would sincerely like it if the grim reaper would take a step back from Chelsea legends. Roy Bentley fell asleep this week. Captain, Champion, family man, gent; gone to have...
Chelsea players celebrate their first goal, an own goal scored by Kevin Long of Burnley (not pictured) during the Premier League match between Burnley and Chelsea at Turf Moor on April 19, 2018 in Burnley, England.

Let’s All Play For England

Burnley. It basically looks as depressing as “Sterk,” but the locals don’t eat their young.
Antonio Conte shouts during The Emirates FA Cup Quarter Final match between Leicester City and Chelsea at The King Power Stadium on March 18, 2018 in Leicester.

Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em

In the News: UEFA are morons. This is arguably not news. They've charged Besiktas with insufficient organisation because a ginger cat ran on the pitch during the Bayern game.