Tuesday 2 April
Fulham gave up the ghost this evening as a heavy defeat at Watford relegated them. Poor old Cottagers have had a miserable season, after spending £100m in the summer they ran through three managers with only four wins to show for the adventure.

Wednesday 3 April
Chelsea 3:0 Brighton & Hove Albion
See what happens when the manager does what we ask him to? Sarri finally started Hudson-Odoi and Loftus-Cheek in the same team and we flowed, we dominated, not just possession but we played with poise and style.
Callum set up Giroud for the first and had a few good openings smothered or saved. He looked the part throughout and actually tracked back, mindful of his duty as well as sparkling down the wing.
It was so good to have a player so exciting the stadium held its breath every time he touched the ball. So much so that Eden Hazard decided he needed to remind the crowd he was still around with a brilliant dink back inside before curling his effort into the far corner.
Ruben Loftus-Cheek followed that with an even better strike from outside the box and into the top corner.
Alright, Brighton were not the best opponents to judge progress against as they left everyone in the space needed to shine but the feeling around the ground was positive.

Uefa Youth League
Chelsea U19 2:2 Dinamo Zagreb
(Chelsea win 4-2 on penalties)
Poor old Dinamo, you fly all the way to London, create the better chances, score two goals only to concede two late Luke McCormick goals and lose the penalty shootout.
Chelsea will have to improve to win the Uefa Youth League again but we are at the finals weekend in Nyon at the end of the month.
The penalties were nervelessly dispatched, including a Panenka and what will forever after be known as a Guehi as Marc stepped up to the ball and with no run up, flipped it into the net before the ’keeper had a chance to react.

The jury in the Hillsborough case against David Duckenfield have failed to reach a verdict. They couldn’t agree to charges of manslaughter but given that Duckenfield is guilty it is hard to understand how they failed to bang him up for the rest of his natural life.
Former Sheffield Wednesday club secretary, Graham Mackrell, was found guilty of offences under health and safety legislation.
The Crown Prosecution Service announced that they will have a retrial of the filth Duckenfield and we sincerely hope he is locked up until he dies… unless, we can get a lynch mob together.

Friday 5 April
England 0:1 Canada
As predicted Phil Neville has turned England’s most talented generation of footballers into a dull collection of cloggers, lumping aimless balls to the big lass to chase into the channels.
Giving a complete amateur the England job was a short-sighted decision taken by executives in thrall to the glamour of Manchester United’s class of ’92. Still, why shouldn’t England’s women spend years in the wilderness with inept coaches insisting that hoofing the ball long is a legitimate tactic. Expect France to win this summer’s World Cup with a neat, close passing game.

Saturday 6 April
Liverpool U23 3:2 Chelsea U23
0-2 up after half an hour and leading for two-thirds of the contest we still come home with nothing. Conor Gallagher will be proud of his brace but …
Chelsea U18 2:2 West Ham United U18
George Nunn and Pierre Ekwah Elimby got the goals the hauled back the draw for us. The academy season has been very low key this term but there are a lot of positives and a lot of schoolboys have been getting experience.

Manchester City are still on for the quadruple as they eased past Brighton, and we should encourage them in the delusion that they can… that way if they fail in one competition then the whole season is a bust.

Sunday 7 April
Watford will play Manchester City in the FA Cup final as they fought back from two down to equalise with a last-minute penalty and then Gerard Deulofeu snatched the win in extra-time.
Arsenal did the decent thing in the race for the Champions League by losing away to Everton.

Monday 8 April
Chelsea 2:0 West Ham United
Eden Hazard really lit up tonight as we dominated West Ham but relied on the brilliance of the young Belgian to unlock the match
The buzz was about Callum Hudson-Odoi starting two matches in a row but Hazard wasn’t in the mood to be upstaged, he slalomed through the whole defence to slot the first and he worked himself space in the box to slot the second. Giroud was on by then and it is clear which of our strikers is in form and should be starting. Sarri likes to play players out of condition and position so it was no surprise the Higuaín started tonight.
It is churlish to deny what a complete performance this was as the Hammer failed to win much more than a corner. Hudson-Odoi will have learnt as much from being closely marked tonight as he has from the romping attacking matches. Ruben Loftus-Cheek put in a solid performance as well on a very positive night all round.
It was positive until Sarri piped up about not being able to stand in Eden’s way if he wants to work for the falangista scum in Madrid. While strictly accurate, Sarri should have stated more clearly that he would do everything he could to keep our talisman… etc.

Our visitors were in their usual good voice but weirdly most of the ’Ammer’s fans seem to think Stamford Bridge to Upton Park is the distance you need to travel to stick a blue flag up your arse. The human colon is indeed very long but they seem to have forgotten that they are now squatting in the Olympic stadium while their old home is being turned into a block of flats and an Aldi.